If You Were A Superhero

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It looks like the Fantastic 4 are going for number two: Rise of the Silver Surfer, due in 2007. While the first movie wasn’t quite as good as the X-Men series, it did give Jessica Alba a chance to get naked, as if she needed an excuse.

So, we ask the question, if you were a superhero, what would be your super power?

Flying always seems to be near the top of the list. A superhero who can’t fly had better have some other great ability to compensate, otherwise he’s going to have to always hitch a ride with those who can fly, and that is just so humiliating.

Super strength is pretty much a given. Again, do you really want the other supers always saving your butt?

Alba’s Invisible Woman obviously had the power of invisibility. But, as we saw in F4, that can be problematic, depending on how it works. Imagine poor Jessica having to strip off and run around naked. Yes, just imagine it. Remember the original Invisible Man in the story by H.G. Wells? That was his problem. It could get awfully uncomfortable unless you happen to confine your villain-fighting activities to the tropics. Of course, if you can control your invisibility, and selectively make things around you invisible, like your clothes, then you’ve got it made.

How about The Human Torch? Potentially powerful, but other than the hot special effects, it gets a bit boring after a while. Oh, look at me, I can burn things. So can a lot of other pyromaniacs.

It’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to be The Thing, you know, the big stone dude. Sure you’d be practically indestructible. But it completely ruins cuddle time with your Lady. Maybe that’s why Mr. Fantastic got the super chick.

And what is it Mr. Fantastic does again? Ah, yes, stretching. So, why not call him Mr. Stretchy? Or Mr. Silly Putty? Of course, his stretchy bits could be very useful when he’s cuddling with the Invisible Woman.

It just seems that X-Men not only had a better story and better acting, but better super powers. Wolverine with his super healing abilities, speed and strength, and the adamantium skeletal reinforcements and claws, was just cool.

Storm’s control of … storms … was also pretty cool, but along the same lines as The Human Torch’s special effects burden. And Cyclops was ok, but who wants to have to wear sunglasses all the time? Jean Grey’s telekinetic ability could certainly come in handy, and without any bizarre disfigurements.

But the best in the bunch had to be the psychic powers of Charles Xavier, a.k.a. Professor X. True, the poor guy was wheelchair bound. But with a mind like that, there was little he didn’t know or couldn’t do, or get others to do for him.

Now, with all these great super abilities to choose from, what do you think was the most popular among callers to a radio station that asked the question, What super power would you have? Do names like The Stud, Foxy, or simply Orgasmo give you an idea? Super sexual prowess and the ability to induce instant and mindbendingly intense orgasms in others. Well, it would be difficult for the bad guys and gals to get away while they’re climaxing all over the place. And, in a way, it’s rather altruistic.


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